


Tall

by Anonymous



Category: Bob's Burgers (Cartoon)
Genre: Illustrated, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-05
Updated: 2016-10-08
Packaged: 2018-05-11 22:28:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5644123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tall girls need love too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I ship this too much to allow so little fanfiction of it.

Tina Belcher was unmistakably the tallest girl in school. She towered over the crowds of kids loitering in the halls as she made her way to class. The Belcher teen could see an ocean of ponytails and crew cuts spread out below her. It did not help that she was only a Sophomore. Tammy never let the novice novelist forget her absurd height.

“Tina, you’re like totally doomed to be forever alone,” the blonde reminded her frenemy for the umpteenth time.

“Why, Tammy?” Tina really hoped her sarcasm was evident.

“Uh, duh, obviously it’s because you’re huge!” The popular girl rolled her eyes as she looked up at the teen. “You’re freakishly tall. The only person you could possibly date is-”

“Jimmy Jr.” Tina murmured wistfully as she looked at the redhead standing at his locker.

“He’s the only boy tall enough for you to date but even he can’t stand your insane height.” The girl smirked sadistically, “face it, Tina. You’re almost as much of a freak as your gay brother.”

“He’s pansexual.” The geek corrected.

“He’s dating pans now? Gawd, Tina your family is messed up.” There was a slight pause. “Freak.”

“I-” The writer sighed in defeat. It wasn’t worth the hassle. Honestly Tammy could stand to find another adjective to use aside from freak. Tina felt entitled to at least that much.

Jeers followed the girl through the halls. The blonde had inspired many of her peers to taunt the Belcher teen about her height for no discernible reason. Tina was used to social infamy- her introduction into puberty ensured she become well acquainted with the life of an outcast. More than hurtful, the mocking was just annoying. However even the sturdiest of mountains can be worn down over time. Picking at her insecurities so much would inevitably cause her to cave in.

She had decided that when she finally did reach her breaking point and explode, it would be dramatic. She would cause a scene and scratch and pull hair and shout curse words and go down in Wagstaff High history as the instigator of one of the most epic cat fights.

However it was when Jimmy Jr. casually mentioned to her how he was thinking of asking out a very short boy that something in Tina broke. She ended the conversation cordially and walked away with a smile. She walked right past her next class and out the back door of the school. And then she collapsed. Tina swayed back to rest against the brick wall as gravity dragged her down to the dirty concrete ground.

It wasn’t the fact that she would never truly date Jimmy Jr.- she’d known that for a while now. It was how endearing her friend had made being small sound. As though it were the most attractive quality a human could possess. Tina was gearing up to cry when a loud voice interrupted her lonely, sad mood.

“Hey T!” A Southern accent full of vigor was rapidly approaching the girl. The writer blinked away any tears and forced her face back to neutral. Suddenly he was upon her. Zeke had grown a lot since they were children. He was large- beefy with thick, muscled arms and a wide stance- but he was not tall. The athlete was just a bit below average height but one wouldn’t be able to tell when he stood next to Jimmy Jr. or Tina. The two people he hung out with the most made him look like a dwarf but he couldn’t care less. “What’re you doin’ here? Yer usually not one fer skippin’ class.”

“I needed some air,” the Belcher teen responded as she shifted into a more comfortable sitting position.

The brunette lifted one of his thick, hairy eyebrows curiously before plopping down next to the girl. “Wassup?” There was no hesitation as Tina spilled her heart out to Zeke. She trusted him. “Izzat so?” The athlete asked once Tina had finished her monologue. "I don’t really see a problem.” Before the novelist could retort, her friend continued, “aside from Tammy’s general bitchiness but that’s a given.” The girl nodded and let Zeke take it away. “What does it matter if yer tall?”

Sighing, the Belcher teen curled herself tightly into a ball in an attempt to make herself smaller. “It matters because girls are supposed to date guys that are taller than them.”

“Sure,” Zeke nodded slowly, “if yer into all that heteronormative, gender role obsessed bullshit.” This managed to ween a smile out of Tina along with a curious glance. “What can I say? I haven’t been yer friend fer all this time for nuthin. I have to know some of yer feminist lingo by now.” Somehow the athlete began to feel flustered as the girl’s gaze persisted on him. “Anyways, who cares what type of person yer supposed ta date?”

“Not me.” Tina replied resolutely.

“So there’s no problem with you datin’ a guy shorter than you! Hell, you should start datin’ a short guy just ta stick it to ‘em!” The same booming enthusiasm that infected his usual voice filled the girl beside him.

“Thanks Zeke.” Tina said with a wide smile and a friendly pat on the shoulder. The Belcher teen stood as she headed back to her class.

Zeke watched her leave before scratching his head in confusion. “Was I too subtle?” He frowned. “I thought it was obvious what I was implyin’ there.” The brunette leaned back with a grin. “Hoo, T sure is a tough nut to crack.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made more because yup.

Tammy frowned as the dark haired teen strolled smoothly up to her locker, “Hey Tina,” she’d called out before she could stop herself, “what’s up? I mean, other than your head and junk.” So maybe that joke was terrible but she couldn’t restrain the amused snort that followed her words.

Strangely, Tina smiled in response. “Hi Tammy,” the girl coolly responded with no hints of irritation. Somehow, this frustrated the blonde. Her game of teasing the aspiring author was one of the few things she enjoyed in school. Suddenly, she was losing.

“Tina,” the popular teen tried again, “it’s crazy how freakishly tall you are.” She tried to keep her tone flippant but the nonchalance of the Belcher child’s response outdid her by a mile.

“Thanks for noticing, Tammy.” The cool, backhanded response lit a fire in the girl.

“No one wants to date a girl that’s taller than they are,” the blonde fumbled with her insults.

“Models are taller than most people. Who doesn’t want to date a model?” Tina replied without losing a beat.

“You’re no model, Tina,” Tammy hissed between her teeth.

“That’s true,” the tall girl replied after a thoughtful pause, “I derive a greater portion of my self worth from my mental capability rather than mere appearance.” Before the fashionista could stutter out an indignant reply, the steady repartee of the conversation was abruptly cut off by a shout of laughter from down the hall.

“Hey, T-Bee,” in a moment’s notice Zeke had injected himself into the exchange like a vicious shot of heroin, catapulting the already abnormal mood into an erratic land of no return. “Tammy.” While the energy that engulfed the teen’s voice didn’t lessen, the tone shifted slightly. “What’re we talkin’ about?”

The blonde’s mouth fell open to respond, but Tina beat her to the punch. “We were talking about my height being comparable to that of a model.” It was easy to hear the smile in the aspiring author’s words.

Playing along, Zeke mimicked a camera lens by making a frame from his pointer fingers and thumbs and directing it at the dark-haired girl. “I totally see it! C’mon! Strike a pose!” The Belcher teen immediately complied, attempting the most ridiculous standard model poses. “Work it, gurl!” The stocky young man called between laughs as he moved around her, clicking his tongue against his teeth to imitate a shutter sound.

Groaning, the blonde tried to gather her two acquaintances’ attention. “Hello!” She whined with her hands perched on her hips.

Zeke paused to consider her and directed his imaginary camera to the shorter girl. His wide mouth stretched into a lopsided frown as he looked thoughtfully through his nonexistent lens. “Hey, T-Bee, wha’chu think?” The teen tilted his head out of the way so the tall girl could bend down and observe the blonde through his glass.

Tammy glowered back at the two when she noticed the red flush that claimed the wrestler’s features due to Tina’s close proximity. With a huff, she scowled at the teens, cheek to cheek, as they watched her through thick fingers. Spinning on her heel, the blonde didn’t bother to maintain her usual saunter as she stormed away.

“Quick,” Tina said dryly, her face still directly next to Zeke’s, “make the stereotypical joke that goes here.”

“What?” His voice was softer than usual. He was frozen in place, scared of corrupting this moment of intimacy.

“If you won’t,” her head turned to the side slightly so that the corner of her lips brushed against his cheek, “then I will.” Her gaze was on Tammy’s retreating figure as she remained completely oblivious to Zeke’s apparent imminent spontaneous combustion. “I hate to have her here but, I love to see her go.”

Tina’s flat, emotionless delivery snapped the boy out of his semi paralyzed state. Finally dropping his imaginary camera, his hands instead occupied themselves by clutching his gut as laughter exploded from his stocky body. His friend seemed pleased with his response as she stepped back. “T-” the wrestler struggled to regain his abilities to speak, “T-Bee, you-”

“I know,” her monotone was smug as she nonchalantly shook her head, “I’m brilliant. My life is a literary masterpiece in the making. My sense of humor is legendary. I should be famous by now.”

Having calmed down, the athlete gave the girl a smirk, “I see your sarcasm classes with Louise’ve been goin’ well.”

Her expression remained neutral as she responded, “spending three hours straight with a pubescent Louise every single Saturday has been an absolute delight.”

He let out a single guffaw before answering her. “Almost as much fun as hanging out with you.”

_

“We should definitely go somewhere this weekend.” Jimmy Jr. announced at the lunch table once his two best friends had settled. Tina offered the ginger a curious glance while Zeke seemed to be enthralled by the idea- if his sudden jump to his feet so he was standing on the bench was anything to go by.

“Yeah!” The shout ripped from the loud teen’s throat with the vigor of cannonfire. “Where are we goin’? What’re we doin’?” His enthusiasm reminded the only female at the table of a small puppy.

“Well,” the Pesto kid paused before making eye contact with with Tina, “remember that boy I was telling you about? I got him to go on a date with me,” two equally blank stares were the only response he got, “but he was kind of nervous so I suggested a double date.” Silence followed his words.

“What does this have to do with us?” Tina asked bluntly.

“Um,” Jimmy laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck. “I may have told him that two of my closest friends were a couple.”

“But we’re your closest friends,” Tina argued, never one for subtlety.

“Yes,” Jimmy responded. The group sat in silence.

As realization dawned on Zeke’s face, the girl spoke again, “I don’t understand.”

“No, no,” the loudest member of the group began, “what J-ju’s tryin’ to imply is that he wants us to pretend to be a couple to make his date less nervous.”

“Oh,” the dry delivery of the single syllable saturated the following seconds in dread. The wrestler’s chest constricted violently- as though his heart was in a chokehold. Tina was a romantic. Love was a dangerous game to play with her. Would she even consider pretending to- “Okay.” And with that single word a smile stretched across Zeke’s face with the ferocity of a firework.

“I’m gon’ start thinkin’ of cutesie pet names!” The wrestler exclaimed in excitement.

“You already have a ton.” The aspiring author interjected. Zeke’s confused glance was enough of a question for her. “You call me T-Bee all the time- that one is your favorite- but there are others you use pretty frequently as well. Directing her eyes to the ceiling, the bespectacled girl listed off the array of pseudonyms created for her. “T-ton, Belchie, the Poet... there was one time you called me Tina the Titan after Louise showed you that one anime-”

“Man, that anime was cool! I loved the music!” the wrestler laughed as his short attention span was captured by the SNK theme song playing in the back of his mind.

“And, of all the characters, you decided I resembled a titan the most,” the girl chimed in monotonously.

“The titans are the winners- they’re the representation of a new world! I’ve heard Louise rant about this enough to know. The titans are the change, the comin’ of a new age- they’re different, ya know, like you.” Zeke replied in one of his rarer moments of insight.

“Wow, thanks,” she replied dryly with humor still evident in her small smile.

As Jimmy Jr. watched his friends interact, he grinned and got up from the table. The other two were too occupied with their banter to even notice he was leaving. The dancer decided he would text them later with information about the double date.

Zeke was still in the midst of their teasing game when Tina abruptly returned to the task at hand. “If we’re pretending to be a couple, we’ll need a believable backstory.” There was the barest hint of excitement in her voice that set the wrestler’s heart aflutter. Could she be looking forward to this as much as he was? “It’ll be like writing a romance novel and then living it for a few hours.” No, of course. Her fake boyfriend should’ve seen it coming. This was Tina- novice novelist and lover of the art of writing- of course she’d love to write and live a romance story. It didn’t have to be Zeke- It could’ve been anybody. “Drop by the restaurant around five and we can work out the details.” She spoke while standing up, “I need to return a library book before lunch ends. See you later.”

The southern teen watched the tall girl walking away and couldn’t help but mutter, “I hate ta see her leave but I love ta watch her go.” He grinned at the joke he’d made to himself before turning to talk to the redhead only to find his friend gone as well. “Wha- now that’s just rude!” He joked to himself before pulling his lunch from his backpack to scarf down quickly.

_

Tina lazily dipped her head to the side as she regarded Zeke. “You’re still something of a delinquent- we can push that.” The boy shifted in the booth, throwing his arms over the back rest and setting his calf on the table so his foot hung over the edge, trying to mimic a typical delinquent pose.

Snorting, he waggled his thick eyebrows at her and shot her a grin. “I know, I’m such a bad boy.”

“And with my veritable outcast status… Is this going to end up being some weird, cheesy mix of Grease and Breakfast Club?” Tina asked as she glared down at the notebook paper in front of her. Flickering her eyes upwards to make eye contact with the boy, she tilted her head to the side. “How cheesy are we making this?”

“Velveeta thick!” the wrestler exclaimed as he threw his arms up in the air.

“Velveeta isn’t even real cheese,” the girl pointed out.

“Exactly!” Zeke declared as he slammed his open palms down giddily. “It’s perfect!” Tina stayed silent, observing her friend before nodding.

“Velveeta it is.”

“And what are _you_ two doing?” Gene asked with a suggestive lilt to his voice as he entered the restaurant. “Going on a date?” he teased.

“Yes.” Tina replied bluntly while Zeke just grinned. Gene froze in place before throwing his hands onto his cheeks.

“Oh. My. God.” He spun around and ran from the eatery while shouting something along the lines of, “LOUISE! THE SHIP IS SAILING!” Within moments the youngest Belcher had suddenly appeared beside Gene as her eyes moved back and forth between the high schoolers.

“So,” she spoke smoothly as she leaned down to rest her elbows on the table, “Zeke. I assume you’ll be taking the Belcher name. I can count on you to work in the family restaurant in the future, right?”

“Actually, my mom has been buggin’ me to get a part time job recently. Why’da ask?” Zeke said.

“So,” Bob called from the kitchen as he poked his head through the server’s window, “I hate to interrupt but I can totally do that. Hire you, I mean. Normally we can’t afford to pay part-timers but a palette like yours’d be worth it. Seriously. I’m just, yeah, I’m just going to go get the paperwork because oh my god.” With that the man vanished back into the kitchen, muttering to himself. Louise just grinned wider.

“How is your date going?” Gene asked excitedly.

“Oh,” Tina said monotonously. “No, we’re not going on a date right now. We’re planning to go on a date later.” Frowning, Louise snatched the notebook paper from the teen. With a groan she turned to Gene.

“False alarm, idiot. They’re going on a fake date.” Louise grumbled.

“Okay,” Bob shouted from deep in the kitchen, “but he still wants to work here, right?”

Scratching the back of his neck idly, Zeke replied, “sure!”


	3. Wonder Wharf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> See I thought this would be the end and it technically could be, but it would definitely be kind of a dickish ending. There might be another chapter. Probably.

“This is Carlos,” Jimmy said as he gestured to the short, Hispanic boy actively trying not to cower behind the tall ginger. He had a bundle of dark, curly hair on his head with strands that arced and looped in waves like a tumultuous sea. His small form was mostly consumed by an oversized pale green hoodie with his twig thin, black skinny jean clad legs poking out from underneath. “Carlos, these are my friends, Tina and Zeke.”

Tina and Zeke stood comfortably, hands intertwined. The tall Belcher teen was mentally running through her cheat sheet on their pretend relationship, reviewing important dates, stories, and behavioral quirks they’d supposedly picked up from dating one another. Her fake boyfriend was having an internal rave, with his pounding heart providing the thumping beat to which his organs violently danced, as he enjoyed the pleasant tingling warmth of her hand in his. He never wanted this to end. Neither realized that Jimmy had introduced them or that he was now sending them meaningful glances to hurry up and snap out of whatever daze they were in and _respond_.

“Nice to meet you,” Carlos said around his social-anxiety-swollen tongue which sought to garble his words and embarrass him in front of these strangers. It was his stumbled over greeting that caught the attention of the fake lovers.

“Yeah,” Tina agreed as she looked the short boy dead in the eye. “You too.”

“J-ju has been tellin’ us tons about you!” Zeke declared as he clapped a large hand on Jimmy’s back.

“Z-Zeke!” The tallest teen angrily whispered as his face flushed. In response, the Southern boy just laughed.

“So,” Tina interrupted the romcom-esque moment as she glanced at the three young men. “Wonder Wharf?”

“What’s Wonder Wharf?” Carlos asked as he glanced to his date.

At the baffled looks from his friends, Jimmy sputtered. “What? He’s new in town.”

Tina nodded sagely. “That explains why he agreed to going on a date with you,” she said in a completely serious tone despite the fact that she’d been going for teasing.

“Oh-ho-ho!” The Southern teen bellowed as he threw his hands in the air. “J-ju got burned! Nice one, T-Bee!” He thrust a meaty palm towards her, waiting for a hi-five. It took the only girl in the group a second or two to recognize the nonverbal request. Rather than comply, she attempted another joke by pulling his hand down in her own and shaking it cordially. This, of course, set Zeke’s face aflame.

While Zeke was slowly being roasted alive from the inside, Carlos glanced over to his date. “You have very interesting friends.” Interesting was probably the right word.

Jimmy only chuckled a bit as he watched the two radically different teens interact. “You have no idea.”

As the group made their way to Wonder Wharf, they reintroduced each member and spent more time talking about their hobbies and sharing stories about them. It was what Tina considered characterization. Jimmy had gone first and spent the entire time gushing about one thing: Dancing.

“It’s just the ultimate pastime. Creative and active- it’s a conduit for the mind, body, and soul! It’s the highest form of art!” The ginger declared passionately. The other three teens just laughed.

“We know!” Carlos yelled around giggles. He’d started to loosen up amongst the group. “I think we’ve heard enough about you and dancing.”

“Alright then, tell us about yourself, Carlos,” Jimmy said with a wide grin.  
“I,” Carlos declared as he sped up his pace to separate from the group. He spun on a foot to face them as he struck a dramatic pose. “Am _Carlos Garcia Manuel De Cabeza Y Los Gatos Gordos de Este Pueblo en Los Estados Unidos Carmen Jones_.”

The group’s eyes widened. “Seriously?” Zeke asked.

“Pfft, no. My name is Carlos Jones. I like to paint. That’s how I met Jimmy. There was an Arts Expo near here that my paintings were in and he was looking at them and, well-” a blush lit beneath his caramel skin as he averted his eyes. “We just started hanging out more and more after that.” Running a hand through his thick, curly locks, Carlos glanced at the fake couple. “What about you two? What was your meet-cute like?”

With more energy than she had ever displayed, Tina launched herself in front of the shortest member of the group. “It’s a literary masterpiece!” She declared with a passionate fire burning in her eyes. The Belcher teen was so enthralled by the narrative she and Zeke had cooked up that her vocal chords actually managed to leave their usual limited range.

Playfully slapping her back, Zeke let out a heavy, heart warming chuckle. “She’s plannin’ ta turn our real lives into some kinda romance novel someday; probably with some things exaggerated, just to make sure it’s extra cheesey.”

Nodding seriously, Tina sent her pseudo lover a meaningful glance. “Velveeta thick.” Carlos watched the exchange silently, admiring the nature of the two teen’s relationship. “We basically lived a better version of the Breakfast Club.” Taking Zeke’s hand in hers once again; the eldest Belcher child channeled her inner romance novel heroine. “You probably can’t tell but I’m not very popular at school.”

Her false boyfriend was bouncing on the balls on his feet, excited to spout genuine praise about Tina without being questioned if _he thought the weirdo was hot or something_. “Tina’s one of those geniuses who is so out there that normal people just don’t get it!”

“I don’t if know if genius is-” Tina began to protest. Before Zeke could even attempt to reassure her, she suddenly changed her mind. “Actually, nevermind. I’m a genius, yes.” The southern teen laughed.

“Gawd, T-Bee, you're amazin'” For once the boy didn’t have to fight the color that filled his cheeks. He got to pretend it was all an act. Zeke was too enthralled by his newfound freedom to notice Tina’s matching blush. “It all started waaay back. I was new in town and I had something of a reputation coming into the school. So, I was immediately on the radar of school officials like the hall monitors. T-Bee here was one of the best of them. We were in this crazy game of cat and mouse constantly! I’d run and she’d chase…” He sighed fondly. “Good times.”

Ultimately, Tina had chosen to use their actual backstory as the basis for their fake romance. _It’d be more believable, she said_. “At some point it went from a job to something more,” the girl murmured her line, chasing down rogue thoughts in her mind.

Carlos nodded, seemingly satisfied, when he spotted the rides of the wharf in the distance. “Is that-?”

“Yeah,” Jimmy answered with a smile as he ushered the group towards the small amusement park. “What should we do first?”

“How about the roller coaster?” Carlos asked with excitement pulling at his tone.

Zeke bounced forward to stand next to Carlos. “Oh? The coaster is pretty fun! It’s like playin’ russian roulette! You never know when it’s going to collapse!” Carlos only stared at the wrestler in horror. “That face is telin’ me you ain’t ready for it. ‘S fine. There’s plenty of other things to do.”

“I recommend the carousel- to honor Mr. Goyder.” Tina said as she stared wistfully into the distance. 

“Don’t ask,” Jimmy Jr. whispered to Carlos, “the story is even longer than you think. The weekend will be over before she finishes telling it so _don’t_ ask.”

“I’m sorry,” the aspiring author said, as she stared at the duo, “You probably want me to explain Mr. Goyder, seeing as you don’t know. It all started when I was but a small girl, inspired by everything in the world I’d never seen before. All I’d ever known was a world of infinite possibilities, and then I saw her.”

The ginger winced as his friend geared up to tell her original epic poem, _The Heartbreaking Journey of Mr. Goyder and her Rider._ A quick elbow to Zeke’s side, courtesy of the tallest member of their group, caused the stocky teen to sputter loudly before grinning and wrapping an arm around Tina’s shoulders.

“T, remember that book you recommended to me? The series of poems about sportsmanship?” He asked as her attention was diverted to him.

“Oh, yeah, have you read it yet?” She asked.

“I picked it up yesterday and read the first few,” Zeke answered. “The fourth one kinda confused me ta be honest. I didn’t really get what it was saying.”

“Oh, it was an extended metaphor about homosexuality in sports.” The girl answered, fingers twitching as though to reach out and grasp the book. “See, when the poet talks about the glass batting cage, he is referencing multiple aspects of the culture around sports: glass because of how public it all is while also incredibly fragile in concerns to one’s image, cage in regards to how limiting it can be.” Tina continued to explain the poem expertly despite having read it over five months ago. Her fake boyfriend listened curiously, reviewing what he remembered of the piece with this new information.

Jimmy jr. shot Carlos a grin as he resumed their prior conversation and tuned out the literary discussion occurring behind them. “Yeah, the Coaster isn’t for beginners. The Scream-i-Cane is pretty fun. The carnival games are too. They’re crazy rigged but, after living here so long, we’ve learned how to beat ‘em.”

“Rides and then games,” Carlos murmured. “I like it. Let’s go!”

A fair number of incredibly unsafe rides and broken carnival games later, the group of teens found themselves in front of the concession stand.

“Everything here has rat poison in it except the nachos.” The tallest teen said thoughtfully as he mulled over the menu. “A popular rumor is that the nacho cheese is left over government cheese from World War II and so the rats won’t touch the stuff.”

“I once ate a hot dog here and spent the next three days barfin’ in my mom’s toilet,” Zeke declared proudly while gazing up at the concession stand sign. “I got to miss school Monday _and_ Tuesday.” Carlos winced as he glanced at the run-down shack. 

“I brought burgers from my dad’s,” Tina called out, already sitting down at one of the nearby tables. Pulling a large brown paper bag from her even larger purse, the teen let a small smile grace her lips as she smelled the familiar scent of home. 

Her pseudo-lover immediately plopped down next to her with a wide grin. “Tell me you’ve got some of those cumin ta getcha’ burgers that I love!” Carlos and Jimmy jr. joined the couple at the table, attracted to the delicious smell wafting from the bag.

“Of course, he’s still really excited you're going to start working for him.” Tina replied as she started to pull out still-warm, fresh burgers.

“Her dad runs a local burger shop,” the ginger answered Carlos’ unasked question while reaching for one of the burgers. “It’s actually really good, but my dad would kill me if he ever heard me say that.”

The Hispanic boy hesitantly grabbed a burger and unwrapped it from it’s foil before taking a bite. His eyes opened wide as he stared down at the food. “Dios mio,” he muttered around the meat in his mouth.

“Yeah,” Jimmy nodded in agreement, trying not to spit out his own mouthful with the word. “More carnival games after this?”

“Heck yeah!” Zeke exclaimed, having already finished his first burger. “I need to win T-Bee some kinda weird, oversized stuffed animal!”

Tina nodded very seriously. “It’s an important trope in many teen romances. While a little cliche, I find the sentiment to be endearing.” She paused for a moment, considering something. “It’s cute,” she declared, revising her earlier statement.

The newcomer cracked a grin at the downright fascinating group of friends he was starting to get drawn into. A social-outcast author, a delinquent wrestler, and an incredibly tall dancer with a lisp- having an immigrant painter tag along wouldn’t be all that weird.

Just like that Carlos started to hang out with the trio more and more. He was a welcome addition. While shy at first, once he’d warmed up to everyone, his attitude and sass-master status had allowed him to seamlessly fit in with the group. The teen made frequent visits to Bob’s Burgers, claiming he hadn’t known there were _any good restaurants in the area_ and that his stomach had been saved by Bob's Burgers. At the praise, the grown man stuttered and flushed. While, the Hispanic boy didn’t attend the same school as his friends, he went out of his way to hang out with them as much as possible.

About a month after the first time they’d met, the now quartet was hanging out in a booth at Bob’s. Zeke and Tina were both on their break and Jimmy jr. was hiding his signature red hair under a baseball cap so his father wouldn’t realize he was sitting in their rival restaurant. The ginger had never really considered the fact that his friends would have to continue pretend-dating as long as they hung out with his boyfriend, but the two seemed to manage easily enough. Sometimes Jimmy forgot that the two weren’t actually dating. He was willing to bet Zeke and Tina did too.

When his father started to head over to taunt Bob about something pointless and dumb again, the tallest teen went to hide in the bathroom. At the same time, Linda called Tina upstairs to help her reach something atop a high shelf. She’d said something about tiny porcelain babies but Carlos wasn’t too focused on Linda’s supposed crisis. That left Zeke and Carlos alone at the booth, finishing off the last remnants of their burgers, mouths too full for conversation.

“Can I ask you something?” the Hispanic teen asked once his plate was clean. The wrestler nodded while smudging grease over his lips with an oversaturated napkin. “It’s just… I’ve never met someone before who was like, well, me.” Zeke made a muffled noise of confusion as he watched Carlos curiously. “I mean, this is probably going to sound weird but… the very first thing that attracted me to Jimmy, and please don’t think this is the only reason I agreed to go out with him because I got to know him as a person way before I said okay, but, uh, it was his height.” The stockier teen tilted his head in confusion. “I don’t know what it is but the height difference thing, where you date someone who is just way taller than you are… I find it weirdly cute? I don’t know. Anyway, I’d never seen someone else who dated people that were so much taller than them until you and Tina. Was that- Damn, I’m starting to realize how weird this question sounds but it’s basically impossible to back out now.”

Zeke laughed good naturedly as he observed his friend. “I get it man. No kinkshaming.” That caused Carlos’ face to light up like a christmas tree. “With T, it wasn’t really like that. Her looks weren’t what caught me, although she is _undeniably_ beautiful in every way. It was, I dunno how ta describe it, her fighting spirit? Tina lives every day ta the fullest and doesn’t let anything hold ‘er back. There was one time a girl in our class threatened ta read some ‘erotic friend fiction’ Tina had written out loud ta the whole class. Don’t ask what that is, by the way. You know what T does?” Zeke grinned widely, looking at Carlos. The other boy, however, was looking over the wrestler’s shoulder.

“I read it to the whole cafeteria myself, using a microphone.” Tina’s voice answered from behind him.

Zeke’s face immediately colored as he spun around to see his probably pretend girlfriend. “Tina! T-Bee! Hey! You’re back sooner than expected!”

“I can tell,” she answered with a small smile. Sitting down next to him, she asked innocently, “does this mean I get to tell the Mad Pooper story?”

“What?! But he’s just startin’ ta like us!” Zeke cried out dramatically, gesturing to Carlos. “There’s no way he’ll hang out with us if he hears about _that_. Especially not with me.”

“I stuck around,” Tina replied sweetly, knocking her shoulder into his.

“Yeah, well, you’re basically the best person to ever live so of course you didn’t have a problem with it.” He wrapped a thick arm around her shoulders and spoke before he could stop himself. “This is why I love you.” The fake couple immediately froze as their faces glowed red.

Carlos looked back and forth between the duo for a second before clapping his hands in realization. “This is the first time he said ‘I love you,’ isn’t it?” He smiled. “Aw, you two are so cute.”

Whatever Jimmy Sr. had come to brag about, he had finished and left, allowing his son to poke his head out of the bathroom before rejoining the table. He arrived just in time to hear what Carlos had said. “Wait, Zeke said what?”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People need to learn to let Tina talk. If she could just get a word in edgewise the chapter would've ended immediately.

Tina stayed silent, her eyes focused on Zeke’s flushed face, and felt one of her fingers unconsciously twitch. The girl was more than aware that, at times, she could be a bit slow to process things. Carefully churning ideas around in her brain, letting the final concept be gradually sculpted by the gentle touches of her thought process, was simply how she learned about the world around her and interacting with it. It meant that she had a tendency to be a bit too slow to respond- missing the ideal time for a witty comeback or the window to input while in a group conversation so she wasn’t talking over anyone. Despite the belated response time, it was not that the girl was unobservant. Tina knew how to notice the small signs, the hints left behind that people forgot to look for when thinking too fast; Tina was damn smart. Once she’d finished processing the huge amounts of information she internalized, catching up with those taking mental shortcuts, she was known to mutter “oh” as it finally clicked.

“Oh.”

Zeke was reminded of the one scene from Spongebob, where all the mini-Sponges in Spongebob’s brain were running around in panic and everything was on fire and it was a disaster and the world was ending and _Oh god oh godohgod_. Zeke had _fucked up_. His mouth was too dry to speak and his body was probably seizing and he was defenseless.

Both teens were caught in a silent, incredibly tense staring contest with a lone observer tossing his glances back and forth between the two of them. Smiling brightly, Carlos broke the freezing silence.

“It’s like living in a shippy fanfiction, geez you two.”

“What’s like fanfiction?” Jimmy Jr. asked as he poked his head out of the bathroom, making sure his father was gone.

“These two!” Carlos chirped delightedly.

“Oh, did they tell you about the fake dating?” the ginger asked while distracted, not quite thinking when he spoke.

Jimmy and Carlos got caught in an abrupt, overly tense staring contest of their own. “What?” the Hispanic teen asked.

For once in her life, Tina knew she was the only one who knew what was going on and it was her job to explain it. The rush of power she felt was incredible. “When Jimmy Jr. first asked you out, he could tell you were nervous so he suggested a double date. Zeke and I are his closest friends, however we were not dating. He asked us to pretend to be a couple so you’d feel more comfortable. So Zeke and I altered our personal history to one that evolved into romance using elements from cliche movies like the Breakfast Club. What Jimmy forgot to think about was that if you continued to hang out with us, Zeke and I would have to continue to fake date.” She paused to collect her breath and observe the pale faces of her friends, all for different reasons. “Evidently, Zeke has developed romantic feelings for me while we were in our fake relationship.” Jimmy’s snort of laughter caught the girl’s attention. “Or… he may have had a crush on me prior, judging by Jimmy Jr.’s reaction.” Zeke shot the ginger a quick glare while the taller boy just shrugged in response. “Just now Zeke accidentally revealed his feelings to me which was shortly followed by Jimmy Jr. revealing that Zeke and my relationship was fake. I-”

“You could’ve staged a break up,” Carlos pointed out, more curious than upset about the deception.

“They wouldn’t have been able to pull that off. Despite technically being in a platonic relationship, these two spend so much time together there’s no way you would’ve bought them breaking up. Zeke wouldn’t be able to help himself. He’d-”

Tina loudly slammed her palm down on the table, catching the group’s attention. “I wasn’t done. I’m the only one that knows everything that’s happened for once. Let me have this.” The tallest member of their clique raised his hand. “Yes, Jimmy Jr.?”

“Did Zeke accidentally reveal his feelings by blurting out that he thinks you’re hot?” That earned him a hard punch to the arm courtesy of Zeke.

“He said that he loved me,” the girl responded without hesitation.

“Oh,” Jimmy Jr. murmured with wide eyes.

“Now, as I was saying. Zeke is in love with me. You just revealed that you lied to Carlos-”

“Ooo! Juicy!” declared Gene as he walked into restaurant. “Is this the season finale? Hold on, I’ll get Louise!” He ran back out to find his sister.

Sighing, Tina addressed her clique again. “Can I just-”

“WHAT?!” A loud cry from upstairs interrupted the girl, cutting her off for the umpteenth time. Loud footsteps barged down, signalling Louise’s imminent arrival. Within moments, the two youngest Belchers appeared in the doorway, eyes trained on the teens. In Louise’s hand was a large bowl of popcorn. Grinning widely, the two sit at the bar, stools swivelled to watch the teens with hands shoved into the popcorn, already tossing it into their open mouths. “Proceed,” the small girl said, waving one palm in the air with an almost regal quality.

Tina wasted no time. “Zeke is in love with-”

“Do we really have ta keep repeatin that?” Zeke managed to squeak out.

“ZEKE IS IN LOVE WITH ME,” Tina shouted, sick of being interrupted. “JIMMY JR. REVEALED THAT HE LIED ABOUT THE FAKE RELATIONSHIP IN ORDER TO MAKE CARLOS FEEL BETTER AND I AM ATTRACTED TO ZEKE. HE AND I ARE NOW DATING FOR REAL BECAUSE I SAID SO AND I SWEAR TO JESUS, MUHAMMAD, MOSES, AND EMILY DICKINSON THAT THE NEXT PERSON TO INTERRUPT ME WILL BE PUNCHED IN THE FACE EITHER BY ME OR MY ACTUAL BOYFRIEND.” With that, Tina huffed out a long sigh and resumed eating her food.

There was a long moment of silence before Zeke threw his arms in the air and whooped. “HAHA! YEAH!” Returning his arm to its position around his girlfriend’s shoulders, he grinned wide and large while his cheeks flushed fire engine red. “I’m tellin’ this one at the weddin’, along with the mascot incident!”

Gene sniffled from his spot at the counter, using some of the popcorn kernels in his hands to wipe away the stray tears soaking his cheeks. “My OTP,” a slight hiccup interrupted his words, “it’s canon.”

Louise cackled gleefully, ignoring her sobbing brother. “My burger empire’s roots have successfully taken place! I’m going to be RICH!”

Jimmy Jr. slowly slid into his seat next to Carlos, eyes fixated on the newly official couple. His boyfriend rammed an elbow into his side causing him to squawk. “Ow! What?”

Red-faced and pouting, the Hispanic teen turned his gaze away. “Thanks for the consideration but next time let me know when something this cute is happening right in front of my face. The quirky romance of this is going to fuel my next exhibition without a doubt. I’m going to need them to model for me like _now_.” Laughing, the ginger nodded.

“I told ya I’d get’cha,” Zeke declared as he hugged Tina close to his side, almost giving her a noogie but holding back right at the last second.

The girl hummed through a mouth full of food before swallowing. “And what a catch,” she drawled sarcastically, her eyes shifting to stare at him. “But in all seriousness, _catching_ a woman can have certain cultural connotations with which I am uncomfortable. The term is somewhat problematic in that it likens women to prey being hunted down.”

“Well, ya caught me too if that makes it any better,” the beefy boy offered with a grin. “Though, ta be honest, ya caught me way back at Wagstaff when we were kids.”

“It might,” Tina mused. Settling comfortably against him, the girl played lightly with her food. “Besides, it’s important to remember that while mindfulness to culturally sensitive topics such as feminism and heteronormativity is important, we can’t constantly be looking at the world as though it intends to hurt us. I know that when you say that, it isn’t to claim any kind of dominance over me or to assert that I am property. “

“Tina,” Carlos called dryly, “you are severely ruining the cuteness and romance of this moment. I admit all the social and cultural analysis you're doing is important in the long term but in this moment I need you to both keep being adorable. Querida, right now you and Zeke are my muse. Please don’t sabotage this.”

Pausing for a long moment, the girl fixed her friend with an inquisitive stare. “So, you need this to play out like a romance novel?” Immediately catching Tina’s intention, Carlos nodded quickly with a manic grin. “Okay.” At that, the Belcher teen grabbed Zeke’s face and turned it before smashing her lips against his in a surprisingly experienced kiss. Tina had, after all, had many forays into romance before. In this moment Zeke was actually somewhat glad for that, having not kissed as much himself.

He was sure that as time went on, he’d learn and eventually reach her level. He’d bet that Tina was a more than willing teacher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaaand it's done. Thanks for sticking through this and celebrating this marvelous ship with me. I hope you all enjoyed it and maybe some of you were inspired to create some Tina and Zeke works of your own because I love reading as much as I love writing.


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